the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
