I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
