i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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