I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
