I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
