I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
