I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
