Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
