Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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