oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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