What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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