I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
