I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
