He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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