Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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