I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
