Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
