Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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