Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
