My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
