Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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