Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
