i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
