I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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