I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
