what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just threw up on my dentist
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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