the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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