weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
