I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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