i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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