Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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