I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
