I looked at my own cervix.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
