There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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