**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
