Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
