According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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