Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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