Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
