Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
