textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ladies don't puke and tell
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
