FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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