why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
