she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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