If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
