the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
