If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
