Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
