fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
