Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
