Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
