Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
