Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my shit smells like andre
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Houston, we have a squirter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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