We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
