So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
